Day 5, Part 3: NINJA

Hey.

Hey!

We found Ninjas!

And we made them feed us!

See? The title of this blog isn't just a clever name! It was an honest question that was answered by a restaurant. Golly. What CAN'T they do? Do I mean restaurants or ninjas? Exactly. This post is fraught with mystery.

The history of the ninja is shrouded in mystery. Practitioners of ninjutsu, or "the art of stealth", the ninja were purportedly active from the Kamakura period to the Edo period, specializing in the use of sabotage, espionage, illusion and devastating violence in the service of feudal lords and the Shogun.

After the Edo period, the ninja disappeared, folded themselves into Japanese society, only to reappear in the late 20th century to train giant turtles and open up high-end gourmet restaurants that they named after themselves. These are facts. Verifiable facts.

We had Hirai, our favorite concierge at the luxurious Park Hotel, make reservations at Ninja the second we landed in Tokyo and it's a good thing we did. It's pretty popular, and tends to fill up every night it's open. Located in Akasaka next to Tokyo Plaza, you enter the front door and are greeted by a ninja host, then are lead through a secret passage by a ninja waiter, into the secret ninja underground castle and shown to your table. We were then assigned a ninja waitress, pictured with Carisa above. In between all of this was a drawbridge and a waterfall. I'm dead serious.

Our table was in a room with a sliding door that cut us off from the rest of the dining room. Trying to tell us something, Ninja? I won't fight you on it. I don't want to get a shuriken to the face.

Just keep bringing us drinks.

The room was odd. It was small, kind of warm and the light above our head was directly over Carisa's face. It looked like I was taking her out for a romantic interrogation. We moved the table so she could eat without feeling like a federal witness, and immediately our waitress popped in to move it back.

"The table...we have to move....because there is a ninja coming."

Holy shit.

A note on the staff: Everyone at the restaurant seemed very capable...except our waitress. I have a feeling it was her first week on the ninja-job, and maybe she was flustered from decapitating a petulant customer, but she was really nervous. Very sweet and accommodating and helpful, but unbelievably nervous. Fumbled with the menus. Read the specials wrong. Constantly apologized. We found ourselves rooting for her when she was taking our orders and giving food recommendations. She was our ninja-Rudy. If she had sacked someone at the end of the meal, I would have lost my mind. Whoops. I ruined the ending. Well keep reading anyway. There's pictures.

We ordered the five-course prix fixe cause in our brains we're eccentric millionaires, and it started with this. I don't know what it was, but I liked it.

Next was the soup. Ninja's make real good soup. VERIFIABLE FACT.

We got the main course third. Okay.

It was awesome. Kobe beef is what they serve you in Heaven. Kobe beef and super-cold beer. It has to be. I will accept no other answer.

After the steak, a magician showed up. I'm sorry, ninja-magician. The one foretold in the prophecy of the Bumbling Waitress. He was really, really good. Slight of hand and card tricks. He then presented Carisa with a 9 of hearts, allegedly signed by Lady Gaga. Yup. The ninja's work for you, then give you presents. Unreal.

We then wait a while. I mean, a good long while. We don't know why and we can't hail a waitress because we're locked in the room they use to beat confessions out of people. Finally, Bumbling Waitress comes in with what was supposed to be the third course.

Sushi on driftwood.

There are five total pieces of sushi. Three were fish. One was grass. One was toast. I'll let you guess which ones were the best. I'll give you a hint. It's not the grass or the toast.

After this our adorable ninja waitress informed us that she was leaving for the night and that we were being assigned to another ninja. She probably had to assassinate a yakuza boss or something. Anyway, we met our new waitress, who was also very nice...and just as nervous as the last one. Two for two! We waited for awhile. Again. Then we got our dessert.

They give you this to eat it with. A spoon with an edge. A spife. What a country.

It was very very good ice cream with berries, so the spife was a bit overkill. Still real good though.

We then waited. Again. For a long time. A long long time. I'm assuming that the ninjas were defending themselves against some sort of raid or dragon attack, so they couldn't find our check. It happens. We finally paid and were guided by our new, surprisingly tall ninja-waitress back to the street. We were on our way out, when we were shown this.

Isn't that nice? And you thought they were just here to lurk in the dark and hack people to death with katanas.

Keep an open mind, people. That's how you get steak.